A dating guide for the slightly obsessive woman

As per dating guide, it seems pretty simple. Two people are interested in each other, so one asks the other out. If they have fun, other dates follow. Maybe they get married and start churning out little babies…Maybe they part ways eventually.

But that’s not how it always works, is it? No, things have to be more complicated if you are obsessive.

First, you have to meet someone. Gone are the days when you could meet a perfectly nice guy while picking out produce…For all you know, he could be a serial killer! No, you probably should play it safe and set up a dating profile online. After you weed out the weirdos (Foot fetish? Um, no), the geeks (People really play Dungeons and Dragons?!), and the clueless losers (Looking for someone just like mom, huh?)…You might have a decent candidate or two.

What is more ?

Now you pick one and Facebook stalk him like it’s your job. Let’s call this phase…research and development.  Make sure to really dig through his pictures. For all you know the initial photo he sent you was actually his cousin, the male model (Also, find out if his cousin is single). Take a look at the stuff he shares… Do you have things in common? Can you look past the fact that he’s a hardcore Republican and ends every status update with #ThanksObama? Most importantly, can he spell?

That’s not all..

Once you’ve given him the (tentative) stamp of approval, it’s time to call up your BFF to obsess over every bit of conversation you’ve had with him thus far. Did he really laugh out loud at that joke, or was that “LOL” pure sarcasm? What did that winky face even mean?!

You’ll have to meet him in person at some point…This is called a dating in USA. In some cultures, this forced and rather awkward face-to-face interaction is considered a form of torture. Unless you’ve got an out-of-the-box thinker on your hands, you’ll probably go out to dinner and then see a movie. I think this has been the first date standard since Adam and Eve.

Most importantly.

Make sure to dress appropriately…though it’s really impossible to know what that would mean. This is a good time to invite your BFF over so you can try on every item in your closet at least twice. In fact, you should probably just burn your whole wardrobe and go shopping.

While your BFF is there, do a hair and makeup test run. There’s nothing worse than realizing your red lipstick is a little too…”Come hither”…halfway through your date. And you really want to make sure that purposely messy updo you saw on Pinterest looks messy in a sexy way and not in a “Why yes, that is a bird nest on my head” way.

So now that the guy is BFF approved, you have the date scheduled, an outfit picked out, and your hair and makeup has been tested, you can relax and look forward to meeting this potential Man Of Your Dreams as per your dating preferences.

What did he do to prepare, you wonder?

Oh, well…He might have bought a new shirt. But only if his favorite one was dirty.

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