Hilarious Bad Date Story

 

bad-date

Tim was incredibly persistent…He had that going for him. In fact, I think the only reason I agreed to go on a date with him was the fact that I was tired of saying no when he asked. I informed him that we would be going on a double date with a couple of my friends and he shrugged.

 

 

go-dating

 

 

We all agreed to meet at my house. Jim and Pam were first to arrive, and as we talked a rumbling noise could be heard. The sound got louder, and louder, until I thought something was going to crash through my living room window. I looked outside to see Tim’s giant rust bucket of a truck lumbering loudly up my drive, belching smoke from the tailpipe. It was decided that we would all ride together, in Jim’s nicer, newer car.

 

bad-dating

 

The plan was to have dinner at a steakhouse, then catch an early movie. On the way to the restaurant, Tim asked if we could stop at Sears. “I need to return this wrench”, he explained, holding up a plastic bag. No one minded if we made a quick stop, so Jim, Pam, and I found ourselves trying out the patio furniture while Tim headed to the Customer Service counter. Roughly half an hour went by and we still hadn’t heard from Tim. Pam discovered him drooling over a chainsaw and explained that we were all rather hungry. “Sorry, I got that tool returned a while ago. I couldn’t find you guys!”

Never mind the fact that we hadn’t moved.

 

dinner-date

 

 

At the restaurant, Tim assured me that I could order whatever I liked, and “make sure to order a lot of food because you’re a little too skinny!” When the food finally arrived, we all ate without much comment. It was a bit hard to hear over the loud smacking sounds coming from Tim as he chewed with his mouth wide open. The couple dining next to us openly stared at Tim as he shoveled enormous bites into his mouth, barely pausing to chew before slugging back half of his glass of Coke. Pam eventually pushed her plate back, claiming to be too full to eat another bite. Tim spied the uneaten pork chop sitting on her plate and, with a mouth still full of his own food, yelled “ARE YOU GONNA EAT THAT?” Before Pam could answer, Tim reached across the table, stabbed the pork chop with unnecessary force, and took a bite out of it before plopping it onto his own plate.

 

dating

 

Hasty excuses were made by both Jim and Pam as to why they were suddenly unable to see a movie, and I mentioned that I was especially tired for some reason. Poor Tim seemed to have no idea that he was being ditched, simply shrugging his shoulders and saying, “Well…I guess we’ll just have to continue this evening another time when little missy here isn’t too tired for fun!” He punctuated his sentence with a creepy you-know-what-I-mean wink and elbowed me hard enough to almost knock me down.

Poor Tim. There was never another time. I went to great lengths to avoid any possible interaction, just short of changing my name and moving to Mexico.

 

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Last modified April 9, 2016